Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I Don't Want To Be A Bad Person

why do i create so much problem for everyone..

for my husband...

for my in-laws...

i disturb him when he's out with his frens, works late, or other occassions when he's not at home... rush him to get home faster... he said i make him lose face in front of his frens... he said he's a wet blanket.. i didn't mean to that.. i just dun want to go back alone.. and i dun understand why after eat dinner have to go to hotel lounge to talk.. cannot talk during dinner? .. i dun understand how he can eat sumptuous dinner (and planning to go hotel lounge) when he knows that i'm waiting for him in the office.. cold and hungry and tired.. and was going insane anytime... no heart anymore?

i make my in-laws feel uncomfortable living at their own house.. such that they have to shuttle between taipei and spore every few months... and now they're thinking of going back taipei for good... i shd feel happy? but i feel bad instead... they've been taking care of us for the past 2 years and yet i can't feel close to them... there's language barrier and huge age gap... nothing to talk abt..

i also create trouble for my own mom... i call her in the middle of the night... crying... makes her worried.. yet she doesnt seem to mind.. i hope i'll be as great as her next time when i have my own kids... sorry mom... i have noone else to talk to here... my husband was playing ps2 and in another occassion on the computer when i was crying... he din seem to care... mom always cares... no matter how far she is... i hope i can have her near me... but i have to share with my younger siblings.. bless them... they are lucky..

i do not wish to be a bad person... but i also want to feel happier... what shd i do... what is wrong with me...

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